


Polo!

by Denburrito



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, as well as onesided jean/mikasa, sort of onesided jean/marco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denburrito/pseuds/Denburrito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On suggestion of the military councillor, Jean writes a recount of sorts of his relationship with Marco after his death. While reliving his time with Marco as he writes about their past experiences, he realises something he should have come to terms with 3 years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Polo!

**Author's Note:**

> whispers into the night i'v enever written anything snk before, forgive me if it's terrible
> 
> set maybe a few days/a week or something after marco's death
> 
> also, i thought i should include that i was imspired a lot by this adorable little comic here http://ryoplica.tumblr.com/post/54630062197/spoiler-warning-in-case-people-arent-up-to-date

People always treated me like I was no fun. I didn't like to mess around when things were serious; there's a time and place for everything. And besides, I did like to mess around, play games, but only with people I was close with.

Of course, I could never stay too serious around Marco half the time. I'd known him for longer than any of the other cadets. He's the only one I'd ever open up to, we'd mess around a lot in our free time. I always felt obliged to look out for him. He had issues with his confidence, I suppose you could call it a type of anxiety. He'd go into little panic attacks where he couldn't breathe if he felt self conscious or paranoid and get real worried about stuff. I hated it when it happened, I hated it when things went bad for Marco. He was such a sweet kid, he didn't deserve the trouble it gave him

Yeah, I wasn't always the nicest guy, but I guess I had a soft spot for Marco.

We used to have a game; an ongoing joke, where if I ever called out for him "Hey, Marco-", "What's up, Marco?", "Marco, over here-", he'd always respond with "Polo". Pretty much every time I said his name, it got a little annoying after a while.

Well, I said it got annoying, that's what I told him, but secretly I thought it was funny. He was always so funny, and the way his eyes lit up every time he got the chance to do it, I wouldn't trade that for the world.

But one day, when Marco was in the mess hall with me, some idiot said something to set him off; I don't even remember what it was, I got so darn angry. But while I was chewing the guy out, Marco ran out of the room panicking. I knew I had to go find him, so I ran around, everywhere I could think of, calling out his name. I found him tucked away in one of the store rooms. I walked in yelling, "Marco! Marco, where are you, Marco?" absolutely frantic. But then I heard him call out "Polo" real soft, and he sounded like he was crying. If I hadn't been worried to death about him, I would have laughed.

I walked him back to the dorms and sat him down on his bunk, rubbing his back until he stopped sobbing. I was wishing at that point that I had listened to whatever that kid had said, because I couldn't ask him to tell my what he was upset about, so I didn't know how to comfort him other than to just be there. Once he calmed down, he sat up abruptly, fixing his shirt, straightening his collar, pulling away from where he'd had his face buried in the crook of my neck. He apologised profusely for the next 20 minutes, and I wished he wouldn't. I knew Marco liked me- in a more-than-friends sort of way. When he told me, I apologised and said I didn't feel the same. I told him it didn't affect our friendship and that I still really wanted to be friends.

I'd been too busy pining after Mikasa to notice how much it hurt him, and it took me 3 years to realise it. And by the time I noticed, it was too late.

There were a lot of times I wished I'd paid more attention when it came to Marco.

I'll never forget how much I regretted it on that day, when I last saw Marco. During our last mission, he'd come back to help me when my gear broke and I'd been so caught up in my panic-fuelled adrenalin rush and trying to get to safety that I'd taken my eyes off him. Oh, boy, I've never regretted something so much.

After all the commotion had died down, I realised that I hadn't seen him. I felt a familiar twinge of guilt and worry shoot through me, and I had a repeat of 3 years prior, running through the streets, shouting out "Marco! Marco, where are you, Marco?" But I never got a response. I came back for days after that, scouring the streets, the bodies, but the coroner found him before I did. She kept asking me what his name was, I knew him and she couldn't identify him, so she had to know. I fell to my knees before him, and as much as this part is always hard to remember, the only thing I can clearly recall is starting to cry and whispering over and over "You're supposed to say 'Polo', Marco. Why can't you say 'Polo'?".

I'll never forget how much I cried after that. I've made new friends since. As much as I disliked Eren and the others before hand- except Mikasa, of course- they all became my new friends. They'll never be as close to me as Marco was, but I don't know where I'd be without them. I joke around with them sometimes now, and it's always fun to have them around, but it's not the same. And as stupid as it sounds, every time they call my name, I find myself whispering "Polo" in response.

I miss that boy so damn much. I just wish I had've known how much I was gonna miss him that day, 3 years ago.


End file.
